The season of fall is not my friend as I sat in Michigan and watched the leaves fall. Watching them fall was beautiful as they turned colors of magnificent shades of orange, red and deep brown. I was transfixed by their beauty and enjoyed walking my dog Ki down the boulevard street in the city of St. Clair Shores.

Then it hit me, as I looked at the front yard as it started to fill up with fallen dried darken leaves. The lawn was covered with these once beautiful leaves that danced when they dropped from the tree to their death to the earth. My joy was suspended as terror raced though my mind. I was going to have to pick up these monsters with my very own hands.

Found a rake in the backyard as I thought I can do this. I started to rake the front yard with such speed and enthusiasm and excitement. I thought this is what homeowners do as I found joy in new adventure. I watched the neighbors raking leaves and it looked to me that they love it.

I even brought my dog out with me and every pile I made he ran though the leaves with such excitement and joy. He loved playing in the leaves and kept messing up all the leaves that put into a little pile. He kept getting in my way and wanted to play so I ended that as I put him inside. After I closed the front door I looked back at him as he sat at the window crying like I abandoned him. He wanted to play and not watch me work. Lessons learned never bring your dog out to help you rake the leaves as he will be no help at all.

After about an hour of raking the millions of leaves and only putting a dent in the layers and layers of leaves I had to stop. My back was killing me but I was given a gift for my effort, two blisters on each hand. I wanted to cry as I said to myself “ I’m not a good homeowner and I failed as a master rack-er.

I called my daughter yelling “What the Hell am I doing here in Michigan I can’t even rake the leaves.” She told me to “stop acting like a baby and toughen up and to expect something in the mail”.

Two days latter it arrived a huge box. Upon opening the colorful box it contained a leaf blower with two attachments. One was for blowing the leaves into a little pile and the other was going to suck up the leafs and crush them. This magical amazing gift was bright red very light to hold. I said to myself “ Wow, the neighbors are going to be envious of my hot red killer of leaves.

Proudly, I went outside and started the ordeal of cleanlng up of the vast layers of leaves. This blower was sexy as I moved across the yard like a ninja moving like the wind. The leavers were blowing all over the place as I question myself. Was there a special way you use the blower? The lawn guys in Los Angeles made this look easy but there was art to it and I had not yet discover this art of blowing leaves into a neat little pile.

My next door neighbor took petty on me and showed my how to do it, He was my knight in shiny armor that day. As I dropped the last of the leaves into the black plastic garbage bags. I was so proud of myself. I placed them at the curve at the end of the drive so the garbage men could pick them up the next morning. My day was complete and yes, I was an amazing homeowner and leaves picker upper.

The next morning I heard the garbage men picking up the trash and I smile the leaves are all gone. Yes, my mission is accomplished. As I looked out the window the bags of leaves were still there and more leaves have fallen from the trees as more layers and layers of leaves fell over night. All that work that I did the day before was gone and the bags of leaves there still lingering in the front yard. Swear words spewed from mouth as I walked out into the cold morning and I was ready to call the city and ask what the F—k as to why the garbage men did not take my leaves. Until my knight in shiny armor called out to me and told me why the leaves were left.

What I did not know as being a new homeowner is that the city wants you buy the tall brown paper lawn bags and not the plastic bags. I was outraged as I waked into the hardware store to by 30 brown paper lawn bags. I thought that this was nuts as I started the whole process over again. It took for ever to get every last leave and I did not even do the back yard as of yet. I wanted to take a chainsaw and cut down the big trees in the front and the backyard. But then they were so big and tall that they would have crashed into the house and the garage. Then I would have had a bigger problem on my hands then just fallen leaves. I wonder how the snow was going to be and how was I going to be able to shovel snow. With that thought I said to myself “ I need a drink”.